Kareem Ali Mfume Dies

United International Press Agency

Mombasa, Kenya, December 17, 2012

Kareem Ali Mfume, 71, died today in downtown Mombasa. The former United States senator, whose birth name was Trent Lott, sat down in the middle of a busy intersection, doused himself with gasoline, and set himself afire with a cigarette lighter.

His self-immolation is taken as having been a last attempt at apologizing for off-hand remarks at the centenary birthday, Dec. 5, 2002, of US Senator Strom Thurmond, who turned 110 this month.

Continuing his attempts to ameliorate African-American sentiments towards him, Mfume changed his name from Trent Lott, Dec. 5, 2005. Immediately afterwards, he began to undergo surgical and medical procedures to gradually darken his skin color to, as he said, "finally solidify my solidarity with my African-American brothers, sisters, and transexuals." When this was completed to his satisfaction, he moved to Mombasa, Dec. 5, 2008, to exemplify his complete rejection of the segregationist views of his earliest years.

His final words are said to have been, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" There is some discrepancy among witnesses whether this remark was uttered seven times or 243 times.

After viewing videotape of Mfume's death, US Senator Maxine Waters (C-California) and US Governor Cynthia McKinney (C-Georgia) held a joint satellite news conference.

Sen. Waters noted that "Mfume raised and stretched out his arms as he ran around in circles several times before collapsing on the ground and writhing in agony until expiring."

Gov. McKinney continued, "Prancing around like that, his arms stretched out and all, he looked just like a burning cross. Unbelievable! He couldn't resist insulting our people one last time."

Both officials agreed it was very unfortunate that Mfume had spoiled his final opportunity to get the African-American establishment to forgive him. "The pain we received from this last affront can never be ended," explained Waters.

Thurmond, who made an unprecedented comeback to the Senate in the election of 2008, lamented Mfume's passing: "He shouldn't have done something like that. I would have been more than happy to give him a job on my staff. As long as my new wife would have approved, of course."

Lane Core Jr. CIW P — Tue. 12/17/02 10:02:29 AM
Categorized as Most Notable & Political.