The Dopeler Effect and 31 Other Neologisms

Via Donald Luskin.

For a change of pace.

NEOLOGISMS

Coffee (n.); a person who is coughed upon.

Flabbergasted (adj.); appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Abdicate (v.); to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Esplanade (v.); to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly (adj.); impotent.

Negligent (adj.); describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

Lymph (v.); to walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle (n.); an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Flatulence (n.); the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash (n.); a rapidly receding hairline.

Testicle (n.); a humorous question on an exam.

Rectitude (n.); the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

Oyster (n.); a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

Pokemon (n); A Jamaican proctologist.

Frisbeetarianism (n.); The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

Circumvent (n.); the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

16 NEOLOGISMS

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an a--hole.

A study of the Dopeler Effect on the Bozone Internet could, I think, take up volumes.

Lane Core Jr. CIW P — Wed. 02/02/05 06:17:18 PM
Categorized as Other.